Supporting parents from abusive relationships

Helping parents to recognise and move on from domestic abuse and child sexual exploitation

On average, every week in England and Wales, 2 women are killed by their partner or ex-partner and around 3 women commit suicide as a result of domestic abuse.

Pregnancy is a risk factor for domestic abuse; 20% of women in the support organisation Refuge’s services are pregnant or have recently given birth. It puts both a pregnant woman and her unborn child in danger, and children living in a home with a domestic abuser are also at risk. Between 2005 and 2015, 19 children in 12 families were killed by violent fathers who had been allowed to see them through formal and informal child contact arrangements.

'Child sexual exploitation (CSE) is a type of sexual abuse. When a child or young person is exploited they're given things, like gifts, drugs, money, status and affection, in exchange for performing sexual activities. Children and young people are often tricked into believing they're in a loving and consensual relationship. This is called grooming. They may trust their abuser and not understand that they're being abused'. (NSPCC website). A pregnant teenager coming into your care may be a victim of CSE, so its important to understand what it is, how to recognise it and how to support a victim.

Mothers we care for may have come from a violent relationship which is seen to present significant harm to her child. She may have been given the choice of coming to foster care or having her child removed, or she may have asked for help to get away from her partner. Normally a pregnant woman or mother seeking help would be supported to find a place in a women’s refuge, so mothers placed in foster care will usually have more complex needs which pose additional risks to her child or unborn baby.

Many women fear for their children’s safety if they leave the relationship, and because their confidence has been so undermined, worry that they will not cope without their partner. Though some children are unusually resilient, for most, the constant stress of witnessing an abusive relationship also puts children at risk of a range of physical, mental and behavioral problems.

Getting away from the perpetrator of domestic abuse is an important step to keeping a mother and baby safe. She may even be able to break off the relationship and show that she is capable of keeping her baby safe. But understanding why men abuse women and why women stay in these relationships will not happen by itself. We are all subject to beliefs ingrained into us as we grow up and can come see a belief as a fact. Some beliefs about how men and women behave, if left unchallenged, put women at risk of future abusive relationships.

DV Consultant Clare Walker considers how foster carers can help in this short vlog.

The Freedom Programme is a domestic violence programme which examines the roles played by attitudes and beliefs on the actions of abusive men and the responses of victims and survivors. The aim is to help them to make sense of and understand what has happened to them, instead of the whole experience just feeling like a horrible mess. The Freedom Programme also describes in detail how children are affected by being exposed to this kind of abuse and how their lives are improved when the abuse is removed.

Whether or not a mother has been placed with us because of domestic abuse, it is important for us to understand the issue. Even after 25 years as a midwife, I was not as informed as I could have been and have found the Freedom Programme’s resources invaluable in my fostering role, helping women to reflect on their relationships and what they want for themselves and their child in the future.

'Child sexual exploitation is a crime with devastating and long lasting consequences for its victims and their families. Childhoods and family life can be ruined and this is compounded when victims, or those at risk of abuse, do not receive appropriate, immediate and on-going support. The first response to children, and support for them to access help, must be the best it can be from social workers, police, health practitioners and others who work with children and their families' (Department of Education 2017)

Girls (and boys) who come into our care as victims of CSE may not recognise that they have been abused, believing instead that their perpetrator loves them. This can lead to continued secrecy and ongoing contact. They may also be highly traumatised, needing specialised therapeutic support. There is a wide range of online information and support for carers of children who are victims of CSE, and therapeutic support for the children themselves. (See the links in the Learning Zone)

If the abuse has led to an ongoing pregnancy, the young woman will need specialist midwifery care from one named midwife. You may need to advocate for this if it is not offered as standard care. There is an excellent learning resource for professionals working with survivors of sexual abuse that the midwife may not have come across which would help in her care of the young woman.

In the Learning Zone, you will find links to useful films, information and support.

Look after yourself: Women in all walks of life can be victims of domestic abuse. That means foster carers too. If you’ve read this section and realised you need help, you can contact the Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline Run in partnership between Women’s Aid & Refuge - 0808 2000 247

Looking for helpful links, films and tools for reflection?

Visit the learning zone