Supporting Couples and Fathers

Unless there are safeguarding reasons why a child should not see their father, think how you can encourage or facilitate this. Remember, when the mother moves into independence in the community, her network will be important, and children have a right to know both parents. Everyone’s situation is different, but here are a few ideas:

If possible, offer your home as a place the dad can visit mum and baby. If the only time a baby gets to see their dad is out in a shopping centre or other public place, she will probably spend most of the time in a buggy, and there will be less opportunity for things which promote bonding, like cuddling and talking to the baby. It will also make the couple more likely to meet in environments which may not be positive, like the houses of friends whose risk is unknown. You will need some boundaries around this, and it may be something which is discussed at the placement planning meeting. Whatever is agreed at the beginning, it’s worth remembering that the situation may change as the placement progresses, so it’s important to be open to new ways of promoting baby’s relationship with her dad if this is what the parents are asking for.

If you are around dad when he is interacting with his baby, the same applies as for mothers. He may not be used to babies, and have had only negative role models, so modelling positive interactions, and giving encouraging feedback when he interacts with baby will build his confidence as it does for the mum.

If the child only sees her dad for contact, and you have no interaction with him, you can still help build the relationship by talking positively about him to the baby. If the parents have got an antagonistic relationship, you might want to ask mum not to talk negatively about him in front of the child. You may also suggest that she writes down things like first words and takes photos and videos to show dad at contact.

If the father is a perpetrator of domestic abuse, but is saying he wants to change, there are groups to help. Although your priority is to help the mother to keep her baby safe and have enough understanding to keep herself safe in the future, the dad may well continue to see his child. Getting the right help at this point may protect other women in the future as well as this child, so as part of the team of professionals around the family, this is something you could suggest.

Some local authorities take the view that it is more realistic to assess a mother alongside the father, and place both parents in placements. This is most appropriate where you are fostering as a couple. It can be very rewarding; many young couples have never seen a healthy relationship in action and can learn from you just by living in the same house. At the same time very challenging!

Things to consider

It is really important at the placement planning meeting to be absolutely clear about how the placement will work

• How much can parents decide who is looking after the baby and when? Can they go out independently as long as one of them is with the baby, or are there more defined expectations?
• How much privacy do you give the couple? For example, if the baby is crying in the night and they do not seem to be responding, can you go inside the room?

These placements probably work best when the parents get breaks from each other. Spending 24 hours together could be challenging for any relationship, especially when they are living in someone else’s house and being assessed.

Although less common, dads can also spend time in PAC placements for support and assessment. There is a common myth out there that men are less capable when it comes to caring for a baby. In fact, research has shown that, given the same support as mothers, fathers are just as sensitive to baby’s needs and responsive in meeting them.

Most of the guidance in this website about how we support mothers can also be applied to fathers. They may struggle with their mental health, need help learning practical skills, and need some time out for themselves. The Dad info website has an excellent section for single dads, with the opportunity to connect for support with other single dads.

‘‘Scientific studies suggest fathers are just as tuned in to their babies. For example, men’s hearts race as fast as women’s when they hear a baby scream, and fathers can recognise their own infants, blindfolded, just by touching their hands – after only an hour spent cuddling them.’
Fatherhood Institute’s ‘Guide for New Dads’